That little seed of doubt.

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Day 5 post-op has not been kind. I’ve developed the inability to keep any food down and it’s a miserable feeling. I spent the day alternating between flopping on the couch and spending quality time on the bathroom floor.

Looking back, I think I overestimated my ability to bounce back after surgery. While googling, I only focused on the stories of fast, easy recovery and paid no heed to countless stories of those who took several weeks to feel normal again.

So, commence pity party. And shame that I’m not one of the speed healers. And enter that irritating seed of self doubt that’s creeping into my head. What if I can’t get it together in time for the race? What if I fail? Why can’t I be kind to myself? I had an organ ripped out of my body, for heaven’s sake.

Day 5. Not a good one.

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2 responses »

  1. This makes me so sad to read. PLEASE PLEASE do not doubt yourself and use the energy to focus on resting and healing your body!! I wish there was something I could do to help take away that pain 😦

    On the 13.1 front, you have a nice base and when your body is ready you WILL have PLENTY of time to get back into it. 18 weeks is LONG for a training cycle to begin with (IMO) and even if you can come back with say, 12 weeks that is plenty of time to do what you need to do.

    I am happy to help you put together a modified plan if you want to chat offline…

    Love you!

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